To Hate to Love
by Sidra
Summary: Filia's and Xellos's opinions on each other and their lives in general.
1. Filia's POV

To Hate to Love  
  
By: Sidra  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers or any of the characters. So, please don't sue me! I have no money, anyways! Thankies ^_^  
  
Author's Notes : This story is in Filia's POV. Oh, it is also Fi/Xel. Enjoy and review!  
  
Love is a strong affection for someone else, they say.  
  
Being a Ryuzoku, it's understood that we are prone to love more easily than other creatures. Yes, we are regular loving machines.  
  
I think not.  
  
Love was an emotion that was not encouraged for us dragon priestesses. The elders would say how important it was to love others, and yet we were not allowed to mate with a male of our kind.  
  
It's actually quite ironic.  
  
I, myself, was a young naïve maiden and the thought of true love would always make me giggle and daydream. I was one of the dragon girls, during my time as a priestess-in-training, who would tell all her friends about her perfect mate and I knew exactly how he looked like and acted.  
  
Yet, he is nothing like my dream guy. Far from it, actually.  
  
I was still the naive, stubborn, and youthful dragoness from the Fire Dragon Temple when I met Lina-tachi.  
  
To this day, I still remember the food fights and the destruction that surrounded Lina-san and her friends wherever they went. Not to mention all of the monsters that they attracted.  
  
Including.him.  
  
I was taught that he was the supreme evil: the killer of our race, the worst mazoku of them all.  
  
The moment I met him that swell of hatred rose in me faster than I myself even imagined. And truth be told, I did hate him. He was annoying, despicable, mysterious, genki and pure evil in too many ways to count.  
  
And yet.  
  
Everything I did did not affect him. Yes, he did get annoyed by my comments and I was always proud when I could get him to twitch a little. Yet, he never would lose his genki façade. His mask, persay.  
  
The fact that I could never tell what he was thinking annoyed me more than anything he ever said about my race. He was my enigma, and I longed to solve him and figure him out.  
  
I hid my curiosity well, so well I don't think he even figured it out. I used every technique in the book to hide it: I got mad; I insulted him; I hit him with mace-sama; I even ignored his existence.  
  
Yes, it appeared to be true hatred. However, the more I wanted to learn about him the more I felt my hatred disappear.  
  
I would not admit it though, so I took out all my confusion out on him. Sometimes, I took it the extremes and I found myself a tad guilty when I truly insulted him.  
  
What? A Ryuzoku feeling guilty over insulting a Mazoku? Yes, all you non- believers, it's true.  
  
Somehow, he had broken down all of the barriers I had surrounded my heart with and had affected me.  
  
It went downfall after that. My heart opened up more and more to him until I could barely stand being in the same room as him.  
  
That's about the time I admitted it to myself: I was in love. Try as I might to forget him, he was there whenever I needed him not to be. He was always there, haunting me.  
  
I didn't try to tell him. I knew that he wouldn't feel the same way so I left the emotions hidden inside of me until the day we parted, hoping they would disappear forever.  
  
Unfortunately for me, they still haven't.  
  
It has been over 100 years since Lina-tachi defeated Darkstar. During that time, I have set up a weapons and pottery shop and have raised Val to the best of my abilities. He is now traveling the world in search of more information on magic and his past.  
  
Although I haven't seen Lina-san, Gourry-san, Amelia-san, or Zelgadis-san at all since the Darkstar campaign, I heard of Lina and Gourry's marriage and of Amelia's and Zelgadis's wedding. I also received word of each of their funerals, which I did attend.  
  
He was there too..  
  
Val had just left home when I heard of my friends' untimely deaths. Amazingly enough, they had all died around the same time, even Zelgadis-san because he finally found his cure.  
  
It was extremely difficult for me to see my friends' coffins being buried in the ground and I could not stop the tears from coming.  
  
After the ceremony, I noticed him for the first time. He was standing by a tree, in the shadows. I hesitated for a second. Should I go talk to him? I asked myself as I stood a few yards away from him.  
  
Before I had the chance to make up my mind, he came over to me. I looked up into his opened amethyst eyes and I saw a hint of sadness in them that I had never seen before.  
  
I tried not to think of my deceased friends, but the longer I looked into his eyes, the more I was overwhelmed by sadness. However, I tried keeping the tears in because I still too much pride and would not let myself cry in front of a Mazoku. Especially him.  
  
Before I even realized what was happening, my resolved crumbled and I had burst into tears, falling into his arms. He stood uncomfortably for a moment while I let out my tears of grief, but soon he hesitantly wrapped his arms around me and stroked my golden hair.  
  
I admit, I loved being in his arms. It was so warm and I knew I would have loved to stay in those arms forever. However, after crying my eyes dry, I felt the awkwardness of the situation and removed myself from his embrace.  
  
I looked back up into his amethyst eyes and an understanding passed between us. Neither one of us said a word as we walked away from one another.  
  
I know if it hadn't been for the utter sadness of the situation we would never have had that embrace. Yet, I find myself thinking about it years later.  
  
I haven't seen him since then. He used to come around when I was raising Val to annoy me and I used to wait for his visits. He hasn't made a visit in over 25 years.  
  
Remember how I said that I did hate him? That's a lie. I do still hate him and I always will.  
  
Love, a bond between two people who care about each other deeply. Yes, I know love well. For I have loved only Xellos Metallium for over a century.  
  
How can I hate the one I love, you ask? It's quite easy actually. Over the years, I have matured and developed into an adult dragoness and I have decided that there is only one way to describe how I feel towards Xellos.  
  
I hate him for the fact that I love him. 


	2. Xellos's POV

To Hate to Love  
  
Author's Notes : This is the part two of my story in Xel's POV. Oh, it is also Fi/Xel. Enjoy and review!  
  
What is love? Sore wa himistu desu! ^_^  
  
Ok, ok.Fine, I'll talk. Just don't sing that horrid song.  
  
Being a Mazoku, I'm not exactly the best "person" to ask that question to. After all, my idea of a good time includes death, destruction and misfortune. (quite tasty, too ^^)  
  
Love.echhh. The thought of that pure emotion makes me sick, turn green even.  
  
Mazokus were not created for love or to even have a heart. Zelas-sama created me for the sole purpose of being her priest and to carry out her biddings. I am her servant, her son you could say, and I go on the missions she assigns and create the destruction that I "love" to cause. The blood, the chaos, the screams for mercy.it's invigorating, really.  
  
And I have forever to create it. ^_^  
  
What is with humans, anyway? They turn all google-eyed and happy when they are in love. It's pitiful, really. They live such a short lifespan, and yet they spend it trying to find their "one true love." A waste of time, in my opinion.  
  
Take Lina-tachi for example. Lina-san and Gourry-san obviously love each other, but Lina-san is too proud and scared to admit it, and Gourry-san is afraid that Lina will get mad and fireball him. (I'm a Mazoku, doesn't mean I'm naïve.) Amelia-san and Zelly-san is another fine example. Amelia-san shows her affection openly (.) but Zelly-san is too obsessed with his curse and his depression to let Amelia-san love him. See, these humans waste their lives pretending they don't feel what they obviously do.  
  
That brings me to another member of Lina-tachi.the golden dragon ex- priestess.Filia Ul Copt. Even though she is a Ryuzoku, she was not like those stuffy old elders of hers. I do admit, she was very attractive, with those cerulean eyes and long blonde hair. However, the most attractive part of her was her anger. It was absolutely delicious, the best thing I have ever tasted.  
  
Her anger caused me to tease her more and more, just for the chance for her to whip out her mace and swing it at me. The pain caused when she hit me.ahhh.it was delectable.  
  
She was a refreshing change to those other dragons. She had their high and mighty pride that the stuffy bags instilled in her, and her reference to me as "raw garage" was just.a little.annoying.  
  
In fact, at the time I did hate her. Nobody could call me "namagomi" and live to tell the tale, and yet, she managed to do it all the time and remain unscathed. She was the attractive dragon that I hated.  
  
Yet, somehow, as Lina-tachi got closer to the defeat of Darkstar, I found things changing. I developed a slight.affection, per se.for her. My hate slowly disappeared until I found her as a companion.  
  
I don't know what "love" is supposed to feel like, because I have never experienced it before. However, I found myself paying more attention to her and feeling.sad.when she called me "namagomi."  
  
I really didn't think anything of these emotions, and ignored them at first. But soon, at the end of the Darkstar campaign, I realized that I had a special interest in the dragon, more than any of Lina-tachi and stronger than any of those "friendship" I created with them.  
  
After the Darkstar deal, I didn't see much of her, or Lina-tachi, due to the fact that I was very busy following my master's orders.  
  
However, I soon received word of the deaths of Lina-san, Gourry-san, Amelia- san, and even Zelgadis-san around the same time.  
  
I decided to attend the funeral and that's where I saw her for the first time in over 100 years. I stood by a tree, a great length away from the funeral itself, and there she was, dressed in black, her blue eyes shimmering with sadness and grief. The ceremony finished rather quickly and I went over to her to see how she was doing (I know, not like me, but I was feeling rather odd at the moment.)  
  
She looked straight up at me and I found myself opening my eyes, just to look at hers. The grief rolled off of her in waves, but I barely noticed. All I could see was the tears that she tried to hide from me, and a sadness greater than anything I ever imagined came over me.  
  
Before I could say a word, she had collapsed into my arms, crying her eyes out. I was uncomfortable and confused at first (Not many dragon maidens ever cried in my arms) but soon I tentatively wrapped my arms around her and held her, trying to offer her some comfort. My hand automatically went to her hair and started stroking those golden locks, much to my astonishment, but I soon relaxed and just held her.  
  
After her tears subsided, she tensed up slightly and pushed away from my embrace, both of us feeling a bit awkward. I looked back down in those cerulean eyes of hers and an understanding passed between us.  
  
Without another word, we turned away from one another and walked in opposite directions, and I teleported away as soon as I was out of sight of humans.  
  
It's been over 25 years since I've seen her, after that day. I wanted to visit her often (I had seen her a little when she was raising Val) but my duties prevented it.  
  
It's funny really.a high-ranking Mazoku such as myself shouldn't have thought so much of a weak golden dragon maiden. Yet, she was in my thoughts, more than I wanted her to be.  
  
I lied when I said I hated her. She's still a righteous dragon and I do and always will detest her greatly.  
  
Love.I'll tell you what love means to me.  
  
It's just another pure emotion that hurts us Mazoku.they say we're evil, that's a lie. Love is evil...it plagues the mind and doesn't go away even when one shouldn't feel it in the first place.  
  
Yes, one like me. One who isn't supposed to love, who wasn't made to love; one who feels its painful effects everyday. For, I have loved Filia Ul Copt longer than I would ever deem possible.  
  
And the truth of the matter is..  
  
I hate her for the fact that I love her.  
  
AN: Well, that's Xellos' side of the story. I'm sorry if it's OOC, but I tried to make Xellos as in character as possible. So, please read and review. ^_^ 


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